FEAR

FEAR has been one of my favorite records of the last year. I’ve always loved NF’s message, his image and his lyrics. His raps have real messaging behind them: real life, real challenges, thinking you’re not good enough.

I like his music because it’s him dealing with inner demons, and we all deal with inner demons. We all have doubts, and we all look down on ourselves from time to time. I battle with mine too. When I heard the term imposter syndrome, that’s where it clicked.

The song that got me was “When I Grow Up,” from The Search in 2019. I found it the way I find most music: YouTube. Then I went back through everything else he’d put out. It’s honest in a way most music isn’t. He’s not trying to sound cool. He’s just telling you what’s going on in his head.

NF’s albums are one long story, and the keys run right through it. He’s been carrying a set of them through his music videos, album after album. I didn’t catch them until the video for “Hope,” and then I found a thread on Reddit where people were talking about it.

He started out on Capitol Christian Music Group, and some of his lyrics do line up with Christian hip-hop. But he doesn’t make a big deal of it in the music. It’s not all religious talk. In his words: “I’m a Christian, but I don’t make Christian music.”

“Washed Up” is my favorite on FEAR. It’s about deep self-doubt, creative burnout, and that anxious question of whether your best work is already behind you. I’ve felt that lately, in my own life and my career. Burned out. Doubting myself. Am I really good at this? Because honestly, I don’t think I’m good at anything.

Heads up for CD people: the physical CD is five songs. “Who I Was,” the one with mgk, is streaming only.